Introducing Annisa

My sister was 5 years older than me. She died when she was 15, so, I only knew her for the first 10 years of my life. I’ll start by saying we were both adopted as babies and we were not biologically related. This will be important later.

She was extremely talented musically. Her voice was magical and her love of music was palpable. She could write the most amazing stories and would score off the chart in reading and language arts. However, the talent she had in language was deeply contrasted in the struggle she had in mathematics. The struggle must have been very hard for a teen to accept when she was so exceptional in other areas. Sometimes we magnify our weaknesses when we really should be magnifying our strengths.

Her relationships with my mom and dad were polar opposite. My sister hated my mom but not just the teenage hate we all feel. There was a power struggle between the two and neither would relent. I remember once my sister telling me to never let my mom see me cry. She felt that apologizing or crying was some kind of weakness and would not allow herself to show any break in her armor that she wore so heavily. Their relationship was full of anger with some random physical altercations. I remember once my mom grabbing my sister by the shirt and throwing her up against the closet in her bedroom. When I say my sister hated her - I meant it. I do not think she had much love for her when she was a teenager.

Now, the relationship she had with my dad was different. She adored him and she would talk to him in confidence. I do not know what the conversations were about but I know he loved her very much. Sometimes I wonder if their relationship was healthy but I will keep that for another post.

She must have been a good sister at some point. I remember going into her room when I was scared one night when I was 7 or 8 years old and sleeping on the floor at the foot of her bed to feel safe. Unfortunately, I rolled under her bed while I was sleeping and woke up terrified and confused. That pretty much summed up how our future relationship would unfold. I would go to her and end up terrified or confused.

When I was much older, I realized she struggled with mental illness and very possibly had adolescent onset schizophrenia.